Stuart Absalom
Stuart Absalom has been a valued Director of the Elm Grove Sanctuary Trust Board for many years.
My life began in a small country village in the Western District of Victoria in 1947. My father was a Presbyterian minister with a large country parish and my mother was a registered nurse. The family consisted of an elder brother, a twin brother and a younger sister. From all accounts, my twin brother Paul and I were inseparable and enjoyed many adventures together which kept our parents on their toes! These early years living in the country left an indelible mark which in many ways has influenced the course of my life.
My twin brother got polio when we were five. Polio treatment in the early ‘50s was only possible in Melbourne so my father accepted a call to the Melbourne suburb of North Williamstown. It was a difficult move for the family as we all cherished the rural community life that we were leaving. At the time I did not appreciate how lucky we were to have ended up in Williamstown, a part of Melbourne which had a strong sense of community and was in many ways like a large country town. The forced separation from my inseparable twin must have been difficult too as I have no memories of the immediate years post polio. The yearning for country life remained and fortunately those early years in the Western District meant lots of school holidays with family friends and in teenage years holiday jobs on farms. Teenage years had their challenges. My parents decided to foster an orphaned boy with polio. My mother undertook a rigorous exercise program for both my brother and foster brother as well as being active in parish life; my father had a busy parish and was involved in developing a progressive approach to ministry and there was the usual balance of managing a family and the demands of parish life. During my late teenage years, my father started to develop early onset dementia.
I have a Diploma in Horticulture, an Associate Diploma in Community Development and was also a Registered Nurse with a certificate in community nursing. My first job was as a Horticultural Adviser with the Victorian Department of Agriculture Fruit and Vegetable Branch in the Goulburn/Murray Valleys. During those years I was married with two sons. My marriage ended after nine years and I took a sabbatical, travelling in SE Asia for several months. Nursing came next as a mature aged student, luckily in the last of the hospital based training. It was here that I met Philip, my life partner of over forty years. After finishing a staff year as deputy charge nurse on a surgical ward it was back to the community as a district nurse. This all led to working in the Support Program of the Victorian AIDS Council, and then in Local Government in what was then the Home and Community Care (HACC) Program as a manager. Leaving the paid workforce in the mid-90s, I did consultancy and project work in Aged and Disability and we also began a B&B business in Williamstown. Accepting an invitation to the 80th birthday of the inimitable Madam Pat Thompson at Bermagui in 2003, led us to this area, through the purchase of a B&B at Tilba Tilba. It could be said that this was meant to be – the local Yuin people believe that if you sleep under Mother Gulaga, you will return. I spent a couple of holidays here with my boys in the late ‘70s visiting an old workmate!
Although I grew up in a church family I never felt a particularly strong spiritual connection. The values that were instilled into me through my parents however have shaped my life and led me to seek a deeper understanding of what spirituality means. I did participate in church life until my late twenties and as a church organist was obliged to attend. Until my marriage ended I struggled with my sexuality and to some degree life during my 20s was quite unsettled and at times a bit chaotic. I am still faced with a great sense of loss and hurt from that time as I was denied access to my boys after I eventually came out as a gay man. Perhaps one of the abiding supports of my life has been the notion of service. I have always been active in community life which has featured both through my employment and my ongoing involvement in the communities in which I have lived. This along with the love and support of my partner Philip without whom I would never have survived the separation from my boys.
It was at Pat Thompson’s place, through a group of locals who gathered regularly there and which later became known as Pat’s staff meetings that we met Ed and Laurel. These were gatherings of like-minded people who were politically aligned and also spiritually aware in the most worldly way. Appalled at the treatment of refugees at that time we all supported Rural Australians for Refugees, an issue close to the hearts of Ed and Laurel and of great concern to Elm Grove Sanctuary Trust. Through this fortuitous connection I was invited to become a Director and share Elm Grove Sanctuary’s coastal life.
During the past twenty years I have come to understand that one’s spiritual self needs attention and nourishment. Service for me has always been the way I have connected with others and has given me great rewards at times. However, I realise that being connected with nature and the natural world is also capable of giving great spiritual sustenance. I am privileged to live every day with a view of Gulaga, her younger son Najanuga and Mumbulla Mountain. And there have been many moments in ancient landscapes where deep spirituality has been shown to me, one in particular in a most extraordinary way.
I have also been involved with Open Sanctuary at Tilba Tilba for many years. This small contemplative community which gathers at the old Holy Trinity church has, along with Elm Grove Sanctuary, helped me to seek a spiritual way through inner silence. I cherish all these connections as, for me, they give me a sense of hope in the difficult world that exists today. The weekly meditation at Open Sanctuary with a very small group is special with its focus on poetry, discussion and silent meditation.
While my journey toward a spiritual life is ongoing I understand that the foundational values that I received from my parents have stood me in good stead. As a community volunteer in all sorts of organisations I have participated in many wonderful and at times difficult endeavours and I’m still doing some of it. After a heart breaking separation from my boys, they are an important part of our lives and it’s a delight to have four grandchildren – 2 girls and 2 boys. Like many I have a vested interest in seeking and working for a better future for us all.